Celebrating Femininity with Sex And the City (2008)

Even after all these years, with its witty banter, sassy one-liners and memorable characters, Sex and the City continues to charm us all. The quirky wild-haired Carrie, the dream-of-every-50s-woman Charlotte, the confident and uninhibited Samantha, and the workaholic and ambitious Miranda; these 4 women vividly capture the diversity of feminine experiences. You may be Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte, or maybe a mix of all of them, or perhaps the wild card Louise (Carrie's assistant). These women show the experiences, problems and most importantly female friendships in a colourful light.

Female friendships in the media are usually shown as antagonistic. They’re on a quest to attract the male gaze while backbiting, backstabbing every other woman along the way, which every woman knows is not completely true. Whereas male friendships are shown to be ride-or-die friendships that last a long time like in 3 Idiots, Dil Chahta Hai, RRR, Men in Black and so on.

Yes, female friendships are sometimes filled with animosity and Regina George moments but it’s not only female friendships. All friendships have their ups and downs, it’s not restricted to a gender. Female friendships offer a deep level of understanding, camaraderie and acceptance that runs very deep. You can be anything, do anything and your friends will love you just as you are. From smuggling pads under sleeves to opening up about their deepest traumas, societal issues and pressures, and standing together in solidarity, female friendships have nothing off limits.

And that is what we see in Sex And The City: four different women, four different lives, all diverse from one another paint a beautiful tapestry of the “female experience”. Sexually liberated and self-confident Samantha, driven to find true love and a family-oriented Charlotte; ambitious and boss babe Miranda and lastly there is Carrie with her uncaring, manic pixie dream girl personality reflected in her vibrant fashion and hair. As a wavy-curly-haired girl myself, it’s nice to see Carrie’s untamed natural hair in all its glory and not straightened to make it look “pretty”.

As a writer by profession, she records her experiences, living in New York. I believe one of her own quotes describes her perfectly, “Like why we do feel what we feel isn’t logical, it’s emotional.” She makes questionable choices throughout the film which the audience might or mightn’t agree with but that’s the point, she does what she feels is right. She is independent and has an agency of her own.

Samantha is my favourite of the girls, along with Miranda. She won me over in the scene where she says lately she feels that her life revolves around a man. She hears his name more than her own. She wanted to buy a beautiful ring for herself, but now it reminds her of her boyfriend who bought it for her. She wanted to treat herself with her own money, but she couldn't.

She is confident, sure of herself, and sexually liberated in a world that wants to control and restrict women, especially sexually. She lives life on her terms and isn’t pressured by society’s standards to be married and find “true love” because she feels restricted by it as she views marriage as a cage. She takes pride in herself and isn’t insecure about anything. She fiercely cares about her friends, like a true “girls’ girl”.

Charlotte is such an interesting character. According to the ideals of Western feminism that have been around for some decades now, confident feminist women are #girlbosses — they’re independent and not defined by a man. This definition isn’t exactly feminist but somehow over the years, the ideas have become homogeneous. In such a world, Charlotte wants to be the wife of a rich loving husband and a mother of beautiful children. One criticises it for being retrogressive but she seems content with it. Feminism isn’t a strict idea dictating how a woman should live. The very idea of feminism is to give women the right to choose what they want for themselves. It is about social, political and economic equality of all genders. And Charlotte’s character proves that. Juxtaposing her with Samantha and Miranda who are working as independent women shows the idea of a diverse femininity.

Miranda is a career-driven, working, lawyer who is confident, decisive and knows what she wants. Her arc is very different from the escapist aesthetic of the show. Through Carrie and Samantha specifically, the audience gets mesmerised by the adventures of New York City. But Miranda’s story is very real and raw. Women don’t have perfect hair and perfect skin and smell good all the time. They’re messy and have bad hair days and skin days. Miranda proudly shows that picture of sitting alone on New Year's Eve, watching TV which hits close to home (I am writing this article on New Year’s Eve). She is real, unapologetic and demanding. She cares about her friends and her family and isn’t afraid to demand what she wants. One thing I deeply loved about her was when dealing with infidelity, she doesn’t just forgive and forget. She was upset about her trust being broken and held her loving husband accountable. She doesn’t forgive easily as many female characters do in films and shows, but she lets him grovel. However, she also learns that not everyone is perfect and everybody makes mistakes.

She takes pride in her success and doesn’t “tone it down” for others. She looks for a partner who isn’t intimidated by her and she takes pride in her personality. She is such a real character that many modern society women have considered her their ideal. Highly intelligent, amazing job, is financially independent and knows her worth, she isn't anything less than a girl boss.

I personally did not like the angle of her husband cheating on her because she was “too absent”. It puts forward the idea that women can’t have it all, a good job and a family. That they have to prioritize one over the other. Before watching the show, all I saw was a sad intelligent woman being suffocated by her family and job and on top of all that, her husband cheated on her because she was always busy. Men aren’t ever criticised for working and having a family. It shows that women have to choose one or there will be consequences. Which is quite opposite to the spirit of Miranda’s character.

But in the end, her arc teaches that life isn’t perfect, it’s messy and uncontrollable but you have to cherish the things that you do have and love, and find beauty in it yourself.

While watching, I felt the film to be a bit too love-centric and obsessed with men. The film begins with the idea of women coming to New York to find love – Louise, Carrie’s assistant, comes to NYC for the same. All the women are shown to be driven by or centred around finding “true love”, which doesn’t paint a complete picture of what being a woman is about. All they talk about is getting married, finding the right man or breaking up with their boyfriends. Their conversations are only centred around men.

But in the end, this film celebrates femininity and things that are looked down on by society, like not wanting to settle down, being single, being confident in your abilities and most of all, aging. It is amplified by a quote by Samantha, “I love you but I love me more and I have been in a relationship with myself for 49 years and that’s the one I need to work on.” Or when Carrie consoles Samantha for gaining weight by saying, “This isn’t about the weight, you would look gorgeous in any size, but are you happy?” Body shaming is very common, especially among women. Women often fall into the trap of having an ideal body type. But women are beautiful no matter the shape, size or form. I am yet to see an “ugly” woman in my life. 

Another thing that I loved about the film was Samantha celebrating her 50th birthday. Even something as natural as ageing is a right not given to women. Even phenomenal older actresses aren’t given work anymore in Bollywood. So it’s nice to see women celebrating getting older and actually looking forward to it rather than running away from it.

All in all, this film feels like a breath of fresh air with its female-centric lens. Despite its criticism, of which I am sure is a lot, especially in our country, it still feels uninhibited and feminist with a radical lens considering the time it was made in.

Jazbia Junaid is pursuing English from Jamia Millia Islamia

Edited by- Nausheen Ali Nizami